To the faithful few who have asked me for a new entry, I apologize for my lengthy absence. The move to the new house, the unpacking of boxes, the searching for items, the surgery on my hand, the surgery on my father...all of these things conspired to keep me away.
I don't know what kind of entry this will be, but I'll type out what comes to mind, and we'll see what the result is.
We are settled into the new house and are enjoying having our own home very much. Gone are the days of worrying that Stephen's being too loud or that Kerry's exuberant Rock Band playing is going to disturb neighbors. I have gloried in having a yard to putter around in - I've cleaned out flower beds, transplanted things (some of them even lived!) and spent happy hours planning and designing for the outdoors.
Stephen did very well with getting used to the new house. Inexplicably, he still gets out of bed every single night and finishes sleeping on the couch - but hey, at least he's sleeping and not waking me up. Kerry loves being in a neighborhood, and has several friends on our street. That fact alone makes us very happy to be where we are. We enjoyed a Halloween of both going out (David took Kerry and friends) and receiving Trick-or-Treaters (Stephen and I), and it was just so...traditional and normal and chock full of Americana. I highly recommend it.
On to everyday matters - Stephen continues to adore school. Why won't someone mandate school be in session for kids like him all year long? So much of our stress would go away if that were true... Kerry is in middle school now, and he tried out for and was chosen to be a percussionist in the band, and he is thriving. He's about the coolest kid around, even if he IS mine - caring, sweet, smart. He makes me laugh every day, and I can't imagine being much prouder. At work yesterday I drank tea out of a Camp Sumatanga mug that Kerry brought back for me after two days of science camp last year. He was miserable and didn't like being there, but he still wanted to bring me a souvenir...that's the kind of kid he is, and I love him for it.
The weekends continue to be very challenging at times. Stephen hasn't lost his love of "dee-dees" (DVDs) so I have to plan shopping trips carefully. The problem is that Stephen wants to get ready and go right after he wakes up on Saturday and Sunday. We spend most of the morning saying, "Later!" I made a social story for him about waiting till 2:00 p.m. but he still asks to go someplace so often that I have to plug up my ears or else go nuts. I miss looking forward to at least a semblance of leisure on the weekends...the time I spend outdoors is treasured, maybe even more so because of its infrequency.
We perpetually struggle with general autism stuff - mysterious crying spells, picky eating, lack of interest in potty-training, insistence on routine. I can't say it's gotten any easier, in spite of the years of experience. But there are still the moments of unadulterated joy, of belly laughs that would melt even the coldest heart, of precious little insights into Stephen's world. He has discovered the fun of YouTube, where a child with autism can watch his favorite clips (from Thomas to the 20th Century Fox fanfare) over and over...he found a video of a boy sharing his collection of Thomas VHS tapes, probably about 40 in all, and I realized a few weeks ago that Stephen had gone to his room and lined his tapes up in the same order. He loves to take us into his room to watch him name off his tapes. He mimics the boy from YouTube, down to the inflections and every "and" or "uh" the boy uses. It's amazing to see. So, all those things, fun and heartbreaking, combine to weave the fabric of our days.
The middle school years, high school years, and beyond are looming, and we still have so many questions...
But now, today, my outlook is good. I'm on my second day of early morning walks, and I can also recommend those, if your schedule permits. Unlike my past bouts with "fitness," my outlook is different. I just want to get out and enjoy the cool quietness of my new neighborhood, preparing myself for the day ahead - I'm not trying to run a marathon here. I'm not focused on a destination, I'm merely enjoying the journey.
These, friends, are the few days of autumn that we are granted every year. This morning as I walked, I saw a maple tree, its leaves a dappled mix of red and gold, the pale morning sun shining through its canopy, and the very light captured in that space was golden and alive and warm and so much more intense than the wan rays peeking over the horizon. I stopped, my breath taken away by the beauty of it all...and I've filed that image away for a moment down the road, when I'm overwhelmed and tired and gray.
I hope you have moments like that today.
