The REAL Face of Autism

J-Mac strikes again.

Last night Larry King had another show about autism. To his credit, at least he's TALKING about autism, which is more than most people in show business do. The show was entitled "Autism: Solving the Puzzle." To be honest, my initial thought (especially once I saw that the young man everyone calls "J-Mac" was the featured guest) was...Nope. Not gonna sit through another feel-good show about "autism" - and by "autism" they mean high-functioning verbal kids and/or kids whose parents are mega-rich.

But David said..."C'mon...let's watch it." I agreed, especially since I saw that other guests were involved: Holly Robinson Peete, Toni Braxton, and Doug Flutie - all of whom have sons with varying degrees of autism.

Of course, the footage from Jason McElwain's amazing basketball game two years ago had to be shown, and everyone congratulated him once again. Holly's son, who is 10 years old, had apparently expressed a desire to meet the great J-Mac (who is now 19) - so there was also footage of the Peete family welcoming J-Mac over for a few hoops in the driveway. So far the feel-good meter is off the charts.

Toni Braxton then chimed in, describing how much better her son is. I didn't catch how old her son Diezel is, but she was careful to mention that he is doing very well "because I have been able to get him all the treatments he needs." Yes. Indeed.

Between the fawning over J-Mac and the oozing sweetness of Holly and Toni, I was really starting to wish I had decided to clean the kitchen or fold some clothes instead of watching...but I persisted, rolling my eyes and "hmph-ing" every two seconds.

Let me say this: I recognize that Jason McElwain has struggled. His mom was with him, and she briefly explained that he was rather low functioning as a child. It IS truly amazing that he developed such a command of language, and that he has risen to minor (or major?) stardom because of his miraculous basketball game. Yes, it's wonderful, and I suppose part of me thinks, "Well, maybe Stephen will make huge leaps like that," and of course I would be ecstatic. But once again, the suspender-wearing, guest-interrupting, patronizing-question-asking Larry King is the media ringleader in promoting the inaccurate fact that Jason's autism is all that autism IS. He said, "J-Mac is the face of autism." I was getting my dander up over this, until the next guest finally got a chance to speak.

"Joining us from Boston, the great football legend, Doug Flutie...Doug has a son with autism. Doug, tell us...what has J-Mac done for the autism cause?" Doug looked straight into the camera and said, "Larry, basically, J-Mac has brought awareness to the autism issue...like the Doug Flutie Jr. Foundation has tried to do." Wow. No fawning, no over-doing it with the praise... Now, I'm interested.

Eventually, Larry got around to mentioning that there are various degrees of autism, and then polled his guests to find out about their kids' levels. Of course, J-Mac's mom said, "Now, he's high functioning." Ditto for Holly and Toni (well, Toni said mid-to high). Then it was Doug's turn. "Dougie is very low-functioning. He is 16 now, and he can't feed himself, dress himself, or talk at all." I watched intently as Doug looked straight into the camera, quietly and calmly saying, "Hey, my son can barely function..." and I noticed something - the lines on his face, the fatigue, the sadness in his eyes even as he smiled and told about the joy his son brings to him every day, the wistful hope in his voice, wanting so much for his son to progress. The face of a parent who dies inside when his child struggles to get through a day, the smile that somehow combines happiness with heartbreak, the clenched jaw that is equal parts stubbornness, frustration, and anger...the child who is trapped inside his body, with a brain and a heart and an imagination, the child who is scorned or overlooked because he appears to be dumb, the child who hurts and can't ask for help...these are the faces of autism. I recognize these faces...I see one in the mirror every day, in my husband's face every day, and in BOTH my sons' faces...one wanting his brother to just get better, and the other that faces every day dealing with challenges that I may never truly understand, but with a smile that melts your heart.

There was pretty much no response to Doug Flutie's rather down-to-earth description, so Larry moved the show along. The next question applied to everyone was: "What are your goals for your child?" Well, J-Mac answered on his own. He wants to be an assistant coach, which will be difficult, as his mom explained, with the learning problems he has. Well, more power to him, I say. Holly Robinson Peete's son wants to play basketball like J-Mac. And Toni's son is excited about going to a typical peer's birthday party, and she just wants him to continue to improve. So Larry leans on his hand and intones, "Doug...I suppose Dougie isn't ABLE to tell you his goals..." Such sensitivity. [Michelle to Larry: You MORON.] Doug paused, and said, "Well, no, Larry. He isn't. But our goals for him just involve him learning to function better in his everyday life." Larry, in a patronizing tone: "Well, Doug...do you have HOPE?" [Michelle to Larry: You are an idiot.] And Doug smiled. "Of course we do, Larry. Of course we do."

The rest of Larry King's show was more of the same old banter: What IS autism? Can it be cured? What causes it? At this point Dr. Jerry Kartzinel joined the panel. Dr. Kartzinel is a name you may recognize as the doctor who helped "cure" Jenny McCarthy's son Evan's autism. I believe that Dr. Kartzinel is a good man, and a good doctor - if only every large city had one like him, and if only every family could afford the huge fees he charges. Dr. Kartzinel addressed the "Do vaccines cause autism?" question, and unfortunately allowed the other panelists to engage in a discussion of thimerosal and its suspicious role in this autism thing. That's not to say it didn't ONCE play a part, but it's not the whole story. Thimerosal has been removed from kid's vaccines, and kids are STILL getting autism. Something else is going on here, I have no doubt. Is it merely coincidental that so many kids regress after a big batch of shots? Probably not. Perhaps their immature immune systems can't handle such a toxic load. Toni Braxton actually made that point, and for that I will pardon her for her comment about being able to give her child ALL the treatments he needed.

Dr. Kartzinel pointed out, very appropriately I thought, that the "experts" who continue to insist that autism is purely a genetic disorder cannot account for the epidemic we're seeing. "There is no such thing as a genetic epidemic." Amen, brother. And the good doctor finished up his moments on the show with a profound statement that needs to be absorbed by everyone in this country. When asked if a cure is possible, he said, "There HAS to be. There HAS to be a cure. We cannot keep sacrificing 1 out of every 150 children to this disease." People need to HEAR that, and be driven by fear to DO something.

J-Mac's mom had mentioned several times that he has to "rehearse" for any public speaking he does. He had been coached well, and was very composed and did a fairly good job staying on topic when asked a question. Of course, he has written a book (well, who hasn't?) and his final comment was to thank everyone in America for buying his book. His mom smiled. It seems she and her son have gotten to be quite the travelers, going around the country so that he can speak at conferences and accept awards. He even won an ESPY for his amazing basketball performance. I know before you say it, reader, that I'm slipping back into that bitter place...but I am only human, and while I am too tenderhearted to begrudge this young man every bit of success he can muster, I do not think his face is the "Face of Autism," as Mr. King labeled him. He can be the "Face of High-Functioning Autism" if he likes.

But I dropped the "Face of Autism" off at school this morning, in 35 degree weather, without a coat because apparently today was not a coat day, walked him down the hall as he smiled at friends while flapping his hands, and left him in his special needs classroom to work very, very hard to keep progressing, one little step at a time.

I got to kiss that sweet face goodbye, though...so I'm the lucky one. :-)