Authenticity

I had a post all typed up, even hit “publish” on it…it was all about my struggle to eat well – or perhaps my struggle to stop eating so well – and it even had a really hilarious Jabba the Hutt reference, complete with a picture of Jabba himself.

Then a few things happened.

The Jabba picture would not load.  Period.  Big blank white space.

I didn’t have time to mess with it, so I left it, and walked out of my building to go to a meeting across campus.  And I noticed what an incredible day this is, weather-wise.  The sky is that impossible shade of blue that almost hurts your eyes.  The trees on campus looked like they’d been processed by Technicolor.  Students were walking around in their Chaco sandals and running shorts in every possible hue sold by Patagonia, and from a distance, it was like I’d stepped into a Chagall painting.

Which brings me to the third thing.  The unadulterated beauty I encountered suddenly made my self-centered food blog post seem crass and silly (in a bad way).  And I started thinking about why I blog…about why I started to blog…I had all these thoughts and feelings and needed someplace to put them, and this wonderful, free blog provided that and more.  I found a voice.  I found that I could write well, sometimes really well, and that I’d touched a few people.  The first time someone told me they cried while reading what I wrote, I was stunned and so very gratified to know that I’d managed to put my feelings out there as authentically as I could, and that people got it.

I’m not saying I regret trying out some different things here lately.  I enjoy a good laugh as much as anyone, and have struggled to hold in the giggles when I’m reading some of my favorite funny writers’ blogs while at work.  I think (mostly unconsciously) I tried to copy them.

The lesson I learned today is that this whole writing thing only works when I’m really being who I am…

And as soon as I figure that out, you’ll be the first to know.